| Since I'm awake |
[Oct. 14th, 2007|02:59 am] |
It's been a while since I've worked on American Loser and I've had this passage in my brain for weeks now. I want to give this a shot and see how it plays out.
( AL ) |
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| More American Loser |
[Jul. 18th, 2007|12:38 am] |
Ok, folks, a bit of news here.
First off, I now have a myspace site for the novel. Here's the link
Second, I am considering no longer putting up the novel, just because it is reaching the point where first of all, I'm concerned about possible plagiarism, and second, with growing momentum and its completion growing near, cutting into potential sales has become a serious consideration.
What I may do is start locking down the entries so that you have to be on my friends list to read it.
Third, I've done a bit more editing and behind the cut is the first 4 chapters of AL so you do not have to jump around.
Now, time to get some sleep. ( AL behind the cut ) |
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| American Loser- 3rd whack |
[Jul. 17th, 2007|08:22 pm] |
This is my 3rd shot at this chapter- the other two were discarded. Let's see how this goes... ( cut ) |
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| By the light of the morn'..... |
[Jul. 16th, 2007|10:11 am] |
Woke up and came over to my trusty laptop to reread last night's edit of AL. I like to do that- see how I feel about it, if it still seems to flow, and whether or not it's good or if it's total shite and what the hell was I thinking.
There were a few minor tweaks that needed to be made. And, upon the advice of my Mom, who is a damn good editor and has a fine eye for content and flow, I removed "pustulating". Her critique was essentially it was pretty gross and detracted from the piece because people would be grossed out.
So I needed to tone that down a bit- but just a bit- to maintain the Hollywood assholes double entendre.
I think mission accomplished.
There were a few sticking points where I needed to slice and streamline the prose. I'm not Mark Leyner. His style works for him, but mine is more built for speed and relies a bit more on the mind of the reader. In all the chapters I've written, I haven't provided a physical description of Mikey. Yet I'm sure you all have a vision of him.
This was no accident.
So I've managed to write the opening parts of the book. 3 chapters, about 5900 words. Now I'm ready to dive into the beginning of Mikey's story, edit what's already written, and fill in the missing pieces.
Ok, I did the edit, wrote my reaction to the piece, and now it's time to make some coffee and jumpstart my day. |
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| Uh huh. |
[Jul. 16th, 2007|01:46 am] |
That was, how you say in your country, home--- fucking---- run-----!
Indeed. Indeed it was. |
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| more AL- 9:30am tweak |
[Jul. 16th, 2007|01:35 am] |
I finished a rough edit of chapter 3, and here it is for your enjoyment. I've made a number of outrageous tweaks- let's say despite the fact I can still feel some pain, the brain is happily medicated and I've been particularly inspired.
And now with 100% less pustulating!!!
( behind the cut ) |
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| AL revision |
[Jul. 13th, 2007|12:44 am] |
Doing a little proofing of the first 2 chapters of AL and the ending of chapter 2 didn't quite work for me. So aided by equal parts inspiration and medicine, I've done a slight rewrite to the ending. Here's the new one:
( behind the cut ) |
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| In the beginning.... |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|01:59 am] |
Damn, is it really almost 2am as I'm starting this? I've been deeply ensconced in editing and revising the first 2 chapters of AL. I am going to put them up for you and then get some sleep. Keep in mind, this is fairly raw. I haven't read through the whole thing for flow.
( here we go ) |
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| deconstructing the construction |
[Jul. 9th, 2007|02:24 pm] |
So, I'm doing it. I went through and gathered up many of the bits and pieces of AL and pasted them together into 1 long document. I didn't bother to put them into any sort of order.
Now I'm going through and putting them into sections, and I will then go into the sections and order them.
I'm going to admit this- I'm pretty nervous.
I put a lot of stock into this work. It's my future, and I'm probably a fucking idiot for doing this, but I'm banking on it, and there are times I have my doubts. I stand in a bookstore and look at all the books and think that for every book in there, there's 10 that never got published.
Then I have my Dad telling me that it's really hard to get published and I shouldn't be counting on this.
Now, my Dad loves me and his way of showing it is to buffer me against disappointment and form a backup plan.
But I don't have a backup plan. Keep working doing stagehand work.
Not much of a plan, but it's all I got.
Which depresses the everloving fuck out of me.
But I have to trust the Work. It's good. I know it's good. And bless your hearts, in going through the LJ entries, you- my friends and casual readers- have been amazingly supportive of this piece and I can't thank you enough. I just need to keep my focus and plow through the rest of this.
So, time to continue cutting/pasting. |
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| Oh my brain- and more AL |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|02:19 am] |
I was left in possession of a certain brain-melting device that I am sure was used by the CIA during the Cold War to break Soviet spies. So, um, yeah.... :: giggle ::
Anyways, let me refresh my beverage and turn down the lights. Maybe some music too.
{Ok, so five minutes later, achtung baby!} ( away we go ) |
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| All AL all the time |
[Jun. 27th, 2007|02:23 am] |
Time for another chapter. I decided to change tense and didn't feel like going back and correcting all the verbs. That will come in the edit process later.
( here ) |
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| More AL |
[Jun. 26th, 2007|01:14 am] |
Ok, this is cheating. This chapter was written before, but by putting it out here, I can edit it a bit.
( The latest ) |
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| Another stab @ AL |
[Jun. 25th, 2007|12:50 am] |
Ok, you're getting a show of a writer spinning himself into jelly trying to come up with a chapter. Let's take yet another shot at chapter 2.
( let's see ) |
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| Fuck it.... (Saturday morning edit) |
[May. 12th, 2007|12:25 am] |
When life sucks, turn that clown upside-down. Or something like that. The brain is numb but the body is geared for action. Well, then, let's just hop on here and channel some of this shit into the book. Oh, and there will be one, don't you worry.
{it's now Saturday morning and I've done some editing to the piece. I'm about 75% happy with it- 2nd draft will hopefully pull it together.}
( let's descend into the pit together ) |
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| In the mood |
[Apr. 30th, 2007|02:10 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | "american loser" | ] |
| [ | Blasting from the speakers: |
| | Everclear- "You Make Me Feel Like A Whore" | ] |
It's late night, got my smoke and drink on and in the mood to write. So, Dear Friends, it's time for more American Loser. ( you know the drill ) |
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| sleep cycle: screwed |
[Apr. 24th, 2007|05:04 am] |
Because I went into a coma this afternoon, I've been up all night. I haven't been motivated to write, but now I am. So that means more AL. ( [click] ) |
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| pushing forward |
[Apr. 12th, 2007|01:10 am] |
I'm going to try writing more AL. My mood is ugly and my heart full of crud. I just feel like kicking a wall or something. Let's see what comes out of this.
( cut ) |
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| break through the shit |
[Apr. 6th, 2007|12:28 am] |
There's no other way to describe right now other than shit. Things are a whole fucking lot of no fun right now in SteveWorld. But just because life is blowing goats doesn't mean I can't channel this shit into some writing. So right now I'm getting some much-needed smoke on and have a drink at hand to catalyze things and scramble the brain chemistry so that the coherence of the signal gone haywire can be broken. "Cut off the head and the body will die." Unfortunately, it's like Medusa's snakes and soon enough another will grow back.
But fuck all that. Let's move along, shall we?
( more AL ) |
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| the nightly kicking out of the jams |
[Mar. 27th, 2007|01:49 am] |
After a day melting my brain with my income taxes, it's time to cut loose a little and take another :: poke :: at AL. Got my smoke on, getting my wine on, and am just waiting for the brain to leave the pier and head for the open seas...
( sailing for terra incognita ) |
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| More American Loser |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|03:31 am] |
Ok, after that rant, it's time to loosen up the brain a bit and see about breakin' off a little of that somethin' somethin' for AL. A warning here- this chapter has a bad car accident in it, so be forewarned. ( another installment ) |
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| ahhh, yes.... |
[Mar. 19th, 2007|02:19 am] |
I've had the roor filled and have slowly worked on it as I was writing, righteous tunes in the background over the main surround speakers. No headphones tonight. The combination of the Evil Weed and tunes did the trick and the words just flowed.
Now I'm sitting here doing minor revisions, my brain swimming in a warm happy pool and Lou Reed crooning the song "Pale Blue Eyes" through the speakers.
All feels right and good with the world. This right now is a happy Steve brain. Steve's brain is not always happy. But it is now. And I think it's time to go settle down on the bed and take in some television, perhaps get caught up on the latest Hollywood scandal but avoiding the urge to put on the projector and blast "Apocalypse Now" through the speakers, reenacting Vietnam in my livingroom at 3am. No, that would not make my roommates' or my neighbors' brains happy.
But fuck, how it would make my brain happy. I believe it might even do the happy dance. Fuck prozac, give me some Willem Dafoe croaking "Fuck Charlie. Charlie don't surf!" and rockets rain down around him. That makes me happy.
Goddamn bloody tyranny of the majority, planing my buzz, harshing my mellow, oppressing and depressing me. Fuck, is there no justice for white 40-something stoner writers in this country?
And the trees whisper quietly, no.
Fuck you, Thoreau. |
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| Moving right along |
[Mar. 19th, 2007|01:39 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | "american loser" | ] |
| [ | Blasting from the speakers: |
| | Nine Inch Nails- "At The Heart Of It All" | ] |
Ok, I've spent most of the day pretty much just fucking around. Now it's time to get to work. Here's another whack at a chapter of American Loser. ( moving along ) |
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| More of an update |
[Mar. 14th, 2007|04:56 pm] |
I'm now ensconced down at Boloco, which is the new little burrito joint here in Somerville. Not only do they serve burritos, they also have smoothies and coffee as well. Plus they have free wifi, plenty of seats, and power outlets galore. The only downside is that my ipod battery is run down, so no tunes.
I have been having a brutal fucking go of it with the depression lately. I am completely unmotivated and suffering all sorts of anxiety attacks. It's a weird feeling, this gnawing in my stomach and the taste of metal in my mouth, like I'm really really hungry. Then my vision goes all zoom-zoom-zoom all over the place, making it extremely difficult to focus. It's like viewing the world via a series of snapshots of different scenes and the sequence not flowing smoothly together.
But I'm sitting and writing does the trick- it distracts me and sharpens my focus.
I'm moving on a bit more with AL. I have a chapter I'd already written and I am posting it here. I'll need to reconcile it to the previous chapter, tighten things up, work on any duplication and make it more consistent. That's something for later editing. But I read it and I like the general tone, so it's a keeper. I'll need to move on to another chapter. For now ( here you go ) |
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| Ok |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|06:10 pm] |
Well, I managed to do a chunk of AL and generally, I'm pleased with it. I had envisioned this chapter a bit differently- a little less broad. The plan in my head was to write a number of chapters encompassing childhood- maybe 8 to 10. But instead, this came out. There will be more dealing with specific various horrors and traumas, all of which go into the making of an American Loser. But I feel like I laid a most excellent bit of groundwork here that has managed to break through this horrible writer's block that has plagued me. I hope I can maintain some momentum and in the next 2-3 weeks knock out the next 1/3rd of the book, leaving only the middle 1/3rd to complete.
The anxiety has also somewhat gone down. I'm going to hike around Davis Square, maybe grab a beer before heading home. But for now, mission accomplished. |
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| Breathe deeply.... {6pm American Loser update} |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|04:52 pm] |
I'm sitting at a local burrito joint quietly trying to hold my shit together. I decided to fight back against the depression and get the hell out of the apartment and while driving over here had a pretty major anxiety attack. Do you have any idea how much fucking fun it is trying to parallel-park while completely losing your shit? Rockin' good time, boys and girls.
I had some food and that seemed to quell things a bit- enough so that I can undertake my original purpose- take a whack at a very troublesome chapter in American Loser. I've been stuck on this for about a month now, not quite sure how to go about it. I sorta-kinda have an idea. The thing is, this writer's block is fucking up the entire works. Maybe today things will unstick and it will flow. ( Let's give it a shot. ) |
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| More AL???? |
[Jan. 6th, 2007|12:22 am] |
Hmmmm, let's see. I think the muse is tugging at my brain. And ladies and gentlemen, a gentle reminder that alcohol wonderfully catalyzes the numby brain goodness of the pernicious weed. A big Black Seal and Coke to wash down the smoke and we be talkin' good eating.
Ok, I've got the Who on ITunes and I'm getting the buzz....... ( let's ride this fucker ) |
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| getting down to it |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|02:12 am] |
I've been pretty quiet lately, mostly be design. I haven't had anything much for public consumption to say. I've also been slammed with the holidays and am finally now getting some much-deserved downtime.
One resolution for the upcoming year is to finish American Loser. And as such, I am going to push myself to write. It might end up shite, it might not. But I just need to get into the groove and see what happens. I cannot have many more years like the last- I need to write this fucker and get it published and get some cash coming in.
Alright, enough blather. ( Let's move along, shall we? ) |
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| Resonance |
[Dec. 29th, 2006|01:18 am] |
This stuck in my head tonight. Possible "AL" material...
She was surgically enhanced, but in a way that was of the highest art. Some women get plastic surgery and look like the Eiffel Tower grafted onto the Venus de Milo. But not her- she was the Mona Lisa with a small dirty smile and just a hint of cameltoe painted in. Classic, yet titilating. |
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| Well.... |
[Nov. 12th, 2006|01:20 am] |
Okay, when life tosses a bloody body at you, make, ummmmm, lemonade.
Hmmmm, that didn't quite work, but what the fuck.
I just finished that last chapter and my initial thoughts are this. I managed to channel some of the shit going through my head into this. This chapter's a bit different just because..... well, that's obvious. But there's a bit more bitterness, something that is going to creep into later chapters because being a Loser is a helluva lot less fun and far less attractive as you get older.
I may change the ending though, and instead of it coming off as a bitter "fuck you", something more like making it the final joke. Hmmm, maybe. As my mother is fond of saying, "always leave them laughing." Of course, our family's a little strange, and our unofficial family motto (which would look oh so cool embroidered on dish towels and such) is "Live in hope, die in despair." And it is that sort of cheerful insanely fatalistic optimism (or is it insane cheefully optimistic fatalism?)that rules my "real" life and indeed, plays or will play a big role in "American Loser".
"Work, worry, consume, die. It's a wonderful life." As I've mentioned before, that's a little nugget from "Zippy", when Mr Toad was given free reign to design highway public service billboards.
Hell, we know we're going to die. "Some too soon, others, not soon enough." (yet another family saying. dear god, we really are fucking strange, aren't we?) I for one don't stress over the fact. Live life, have fun, try to enjoy things, and when the time comes, at least know that you gave it an honest shot.
Now don't you worry, I'm not planning on dying. But you never know. One moment you're walking along, the next- WHAM! Pumpkins everywhere!
But goddamn, I digressed. So now you know- and hell, I know too- the ending of American Loser. Now all that is left is to fill in the rest of the pieces. They're there.
After, fame, fortune, and a trip to Amsterdam to start work on novel #2. And I decided that the title will be "Greetings from the Boom-Boom Room." I think it will be a novel of weirdness in suburbia. Think of a drug-addled cross between "Desperate Housewives" and "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." What happens when a soccer mom has a thing for valiums washed down by gin followed by a bit of deep dicking from the plumber, all dutifully recorded and sold over the internet by her husband, who also has one or two pecadillos of his own.
Ah, I am chuckling right now as I contemplate the wonderful possibilities. This could be good.
And now it's time to turn off the brain and get some sleep. |
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| Back in the saddle again... {morning edit} |
[Nov. 12th, 2006|12:28 am] |
It's time to try to get back into the groove of writing. Well, I know I write, but I mean writing as in "American Loser". I've just had too much shit going on and haven't been inspired. I'm not sure I'm inspired enough now, but what the fuck, let's take a stab at it and see where it goes.
But huge disclaimer here- behind the cut is some harsh stuff and delves into suicide and drug overdoses. If either thing is a trigger for you, consider whether to proceed.
( hop aboard the train ) |
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| The Final Cut |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|04:28 pm] |
Many thanks to those of you who helped me out today, especially ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) netherpat who weighed in with a call from Shangri La and stillbhere, who happened to be passing through the area. She went over the piece, we read it together, and smoothed out a few rough spots that didn't flow properly.
I am pretty happy with the result. I may reread it tomorrow, but for now....
So it's time to do one more read-through, print it up with a cover note, and then it's off to pester Irvine Welsh and see what happens.
And Mr Paul, do be on standby just in case I am able to kidnap a certain Scottish author in need of some relief from the mundanity of a book tour.
So here's the ( final cut for now ) |
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accomplished
okay